Three Years

I write with gratitude, for at this moment I am celebrating the first one hour and twenty-four minutes of my sobriety "birthday" - I have just reached my 3rd year anniversary as of midnight, July 10, 2009. What a long road I have traveled, and just in the last three years! The years before seem like a separate lifetime ago, with so many peaks and valleys and "lost episodes." My life today is so very different and so very good.

I can say that sincerely and mean it, even while I am walking through my second round of treatments for breast cancer. I was originally diagnosed in 2003 and underwent a lumpectomy, a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. That was six years ago and up until the last few months, all was "quiet" on the home front of my body. Now? As of right now, I am into my third chemotherapy treatment as this annoying disease has reared it's ugly head again by showing that it had been hiding out in my bones all this time. Anyway, my ovaries came back to life after my five year hormonal treatment ended (last May "08) to which the response was to promptly pull them out of my body. This was done to prevent the estrogren that turned back on like a loose faucet, from igniting any remaining cancer cells in my body. Oh well! So, the estrogen appears to have done it's damage while it had that flash in the pan chance, and so my body is lit up like a christmas tree under a PET scan, the cancer is in so many bones. Stage Four diagnosis now (sounds like a curtain call..."stage left!" ha ha).

However, as I would like to take this moment to point out, I am quite certain that this is a temporary problem and that the chemotherapy treatments will simply toss the water on the cancer "fire" again and put the cancer cells out of business once again. I say this will all sincerity and true faith, because I have a God who has walked with me through homelessness, through alcoholism and addiction, through rape and abuse, and I have faith, strong faith, that my dear God will walk with me through this too. I believe this is simply another opportunity for me to "grow", not "go."

Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't have moments of fear...I am human like everyone else, so of course I find myself in these moments. What I also have is faith, and faith overcomes my fear. I was blessed with this faith through other trials I've endured, such as reaching for and attaining sobriety these last three years...something I have been struggling to accomplish and keep one day at a time for the majority of my life. I am so grateful that I have gotten this far because the gift of faith is precious to me.

There is a lot I have to share and I want to reach out and do this in the hope that I might help someone else to gain strength - that I can offer through my words the same encouragement, belief, trust, acceptance, hope and faith that was offered to me. That my story may benefit someone else - that my testimony, my victories over my difficulties can inspire others to not give up, never give up and keep trying. As they say in my favorite spiritual program, don't give up five minutes before the miracle happens.

Yes, you can be that miracle! You just have to believe it can be true, reach for it, rely on your spiritual guide, whether that be God and Jesus, or Buddha, or a spirit of the Universe, and put your faith into action.

My Prayer for Today:
I am grateful I am sober today. Thank you God for my 3 year anniversary. Help me walk with strength and grace while my cancer is attacked and killed, keeping my healthy body protected during this time. I believe this is an opportunity to learn and grow, that I might offer hope to others. Thank you God because you love me and carry me and I will survive and emerge stronger and healthier at the end of this treatment. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

I believe. Do you?