Eating Habits

One of the hardest things I have to learn to do for myself is honor myself through proper use of food. It's an added challenge while going through chemotherapy when your taste buds seems to go haywire. At least, that's what it's like for me.

I love my veggies, my fruit and granola and all that good stuff. I love fish, chicken and beef,although I don't eat much beef nowadays. Many days I can eat completely good nutrition with no problem but then, I can try to eat something that sounds good to my mind and tummy, but then it hits my taste buds and all bets are off! Today, I was craving something crunchy (like snack foods) so I tried each of these healthier versions of old favorites; lightly salted/sugared kettle corn, nautral baked potatoe chips, and natural baked cheese crunchies (like wanna be cheetos). Guess what? All three tasted like fish oil in my mouth! I didn't get "my crunch on" because everything tastes like sardines. How icky is that?! (I realize some people enjoy sardines but as you can tell, I can't count myself as one of them.)

I've also been able to really work on healthier eating since February this year when I started focusing on the amount of fat grams, sodium and sugar that I'm consuming daily. Since then, I've lost approximately 30 pounds by that and walking thirty minutes daily (as much as possible during treatment - which is about 6 days a week on average). This is a good start towards honoring myself through my nutrition choices.

But, I have this awful sweet tooth! I had started to write earlier that I didn't know why I couldn't ultimately, easily stay away from sugar and in writing my woes I realized that I was being a cop-out. That I really just hadn't accepted that I'm unmanageable with my food choices because I simply haven't made a firm decision to use food simply as nutrition, and not as a comfort and reward system. So I've learned that I still make excuses and I'm not as strong in my resolve. And hey! There's me just being a human being again _ progress not perfection.

It's hard to unlearn such a deeply ingrained approach towards food. Sugar was always a reward and it simply can't be anymore, if I want to truly honor myself correctly through my food choices. Refined sugar is really a kind of poison and I'm trying to remember that every time my head says "go get some!". My health depends upon eating right, in fact, my life depends on that, especially right now. And yet, sometimes I just want to eat chocolate, and ice cream and cookies because I think "I'll feel better (emotionally)" but at what cost to my physical self? Is feeding my emotions more important that properly feeding my body? No. That's what I'm trying to teach myself.

Wish me luck!