Back To School Almost!

Well! I have just spent the last few days with family running around and prepping my children for our inevitable return to school, which for the kids begins August 24th.

However, I am also a re-entry college student working on completing my BA degree in Fine Art and Design. My classes begin, (a little gulp) on Monday of this next week...in about four days!

I am always a bit full of anticipation, low-grade anxiety, sharpened senses with new pens, note pads, lists and schedules, every year when the new school year starts. But, this year it is even more so -- due to my present status as an active cancer patient.

I mean, here I am, a single mother with a 15-almost-16-year-old boy going off to one school, a precocious 10 year old girl going off in another direction to her school, and me heading off to a third school for my own studies (and a bald head this semester). Every year for the last (almost 2 1/2) few years now that's how it has been.

And this year? This year I have the added "status," or "burden," or "title," to bear and to some degree, incorporate - of "active cancer patient" into my role as a student.

For example, Monday morning next week is my first day of classes. I have two classes to attend; one being a studio (art) class which means it will run approximately 4 hours long. The second class is a "normal" academic class of about one hour.

Instead of just getting to show up prepared and ready to start the new semester, I have the uneasy duty of approaching each instructor of my new classes (a total of four classes/instructors) and "plead my case on my chemotherapy scedule vs class for my first 30 days of school."

Because it looks like my numbers are dropping (the tumor/cancer markers) so quickly (which is fantastic), I am expecting I may only have to continue with chemo for about 6 to 8 more weeks. This puts me into about October and of course the semester runs until December.

My goal is to present this situation to my class instructors; especially those whose classes fall on Monday (that being my normal chemo day), and ask for adaptation in some way for that first 30 to 50 days. An adaptation to miss some or all of class on that day, or another day they prefer, during the week (since the classes are scheduled at 2 or 3 periods per week). I'm certain I can keep up, as long as they allow me to try. My top concern is that they will assume it is "too hard" for someone going through chemo to do - and now that I'm over that bacterial infection, I have to say I feel almost like my old self again! - and I don't want to be told NO. I want the chance to make it work...I'm going to fight for that because I need it.

I need it because I believe I can do this. I feel strong enough so far. I need to stay on schedule to transfer to the four year collge as originally planned; I've already lost a year's time on that because this cancer was creeping up on me in various ways without honestly shouting out "hey, it's cancer over here! - which caused me some de-railing by having to drop from full time to three quarter time in two different semesters, which adds up.

So next week, for example, I've post-poned my chemo until Wednesday in order to attend each of the first day of my four classes to get credit for attendance (for grant $)and explain my plight; and hopefully, get approval (and find some student friends/note takers) with whom I can coordinate to help pull myself along. Then, I will miss the next set of classes Wed. In order to get the chemo, be wiped out for that day, and pull myself together for Thursday. My best course of action may be to ask and see if my oncologist can "chemo-me" on Fridays instead, since I have no classed at all on Fridays. Hhmmmmm....

I also have to go up to the campus tomorrow to see if I can get the emergency book loan grant tomorrow. If I wait until Monday they will be all gone (learned from experience) and I will need this desperately this year because I have to buy a used camera for photog class asap, as well as books. But the camera is more expensive & harder to find than used books on Amazon or Cheap Books dot com.

Plus, I am still coordinating with 2 friends on driving me to/fro on chemo days still, and picking up my daughter from school on my chemo day (in place of me doing it). Not to mention the dinner to cook, homework to do, pets to be fed/walked, etc.

Do I sound crazy? Like I'm taking on more than I can chew? Maybe I am....but I feel capable. I feel like I must try because I still see myself in this cancer business as temporary. And, I'd rather "start at the top" so to speak, with a full time load; in order that, if necessary, I could pull out from one class if I must. Much easier than to try to add one back in.

I know it's a lot to do... it is every semester. Yes, I know I will have less energy and be more "fragile" in my stamina, and over all health. But, I really believe in me! And as long as I can encourage others to see that spark in me (passing over my bald head under my hat), I think this will be a great challenge!

So, I'm nervous! I'm excited! And, I'm asking God to help me. Asking that He provides me the awareness I need to know when I'm going overboard so I can recognize when I have to slow down, or step off. I'm asking God to put people in my path who will be allies, who will believe in me too, who will encourage, accommodate, and help me participate in my success that together, they can help me overcome this cancer stepping stone I have to step over to reach my goals that I have for me and that will benefit my children. The Lord has been so good to me, and has provided me with so much treasure, measured in the goodness of others--their kindnesses, supportiveness, their cooperation and their strength and prayers. I am so blessed to know God and Jesus and the Holy Ghost - and all the people God sends to me to help me in my journey.

I am anticipating with some anxiety the beginning of my next set of classes but I am holding hands with the Lord and Jesus and I know that they will carry me if I need them to. I believe now, that in some ways this journey of mine is somehow, someway going to end up being another true testimony to the glory of God's mercy, His grace and the healing powers of Jesus Christ, who is truly my saviour. He can be yours too, did you know that? Jesus and God...they are as close to you as you want to be to them! So all you have to do is invite them in to your life. Ask the Lord, ask Jesus, for their help, unreservedly, and tell them your troubles; they are always waiting, and listening for those who want to reach to them.

Isn't THAT a blessing??!! What a fabulous, glorious true thing that is. I used to wait for God; and complain a lot. Like, "oh, why me God?!" And "oh poor me God!" And then, I'd sit there and wait. I didn't "give" very much to God acting that way, and God's a busy guy...I didn't get much in return with my whiney, stinky attitude either. But here and there, now and again, I was given some truly great gifts (details for another story-long story's) that to me were clear-cut, definitive gifts directly from the Lord...and I suddenly came to believe in this power that was called God (for me) and that I needed to make a proper, real relationship with Him. And so, I did.

And it has been worth every single moment of every second doing it, ten-fold and more. And thank you for loving me and blessing me as you have God! Some of my "blessings" - like having cancer (which isn't itself a real blessing to me) but it's the experiences of love, and growth, and personal life experiences that I get to enjoy, that I wouldn't know, if I hadn't had cancer. It's being able to see how God is moulding me, shaping me, to be of value to Him and others because I've had this experience of cancer. There are rainbows behind every dark cloud if only you will take the time to believe and look for them.

So! I'm trotting off to college again next week (at 48 years of age), in the middle of chemotherapy, with God holding my hand and my children following "behind" as we all go back to school. I've got a great group started; me, my kids and God - and I expect God will help me out along the way with the people I need to help my children and I find our way through this semester successfully...and for me to kick this cancer's be-hiney once and for final-ly!!

Wish me luck, okay! (Please!) 'Cause I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a bit of that stuff too. (:^D

With Gratitude for All-
Elizabeth Gregory