Walking with gratitude

Welcome and greetings! Iknow I've let a few weeks go by; due to side effects/illness like... Having cold after cold, catching pneumonia (medicine & a full week in bed turned that around) and as I mentioned earlier in another report, developing that bacterial infection called Clostridum difficule infection (which is an intestinal/gangrenous infection caused by intestinal bacteria getting out of whack).Anyway! I can also report that I've had to temporairly remove myself from college. This was very sad for me. I love going to college. I missed out doing it earlier in my life due to my alcoholism & drug addiction issues that were active at that time in my life.I love school! But for now, my health must take precedence. Too many germs there for my body at this time. Plus, in the last few weeks (most of November) I've had an MRI, a bone scan, xrays, and a ct/pet scan of my whole body and halleluiah! Everything is either looking normal or, for my liver lesions - 2 of the 3 are completely gone and the 3rd one (the size of my thumbnail) is "less conspicuous" meaning it is starting to disappear! I'm saying with faith in my heart that I believe God is healing me through this with the help of people and faith. I have become a tad better, through this cancer journey, at trusting in God that the "net" is there to catch me,even though I can't see it, and sometimes I can't feel it, but I've learned better to "Let go and Let God" and also to accept His will for me, no matter what. I believed from the beginning that this was a journey to "grow" not "go" even on fearful days - my best defense is still asking "God to help me deal with this". It always restores my heart and mind when I talk to God, because I believe in Him. I trust in Him; that His will is the will I must follow. My will alone can't always do what I want-unless its aligned with God's. That's also how my chemical recovery works today too.

And on another note, Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday to remember, express and appreciate all the bounty in their lives. I've been homeless before in my life...and I was still able to find gratitiude in the organizations that feed the homeless, the churches that let us sleep on a cot for one night at a time, for having access to showers, laundry etc. When my house burned to the ground in 8 minutes because of the propane company's error; my immediate thought as I first saw it was not for my things - but for "my people - my child & best friend" and as soon as I knew they were alive and okay I said "thank you God, I'm good...even though after those 1st few days, I heavily mourned the loss of two cats, family heirlooms, my childrens babybooks, birth videos, my beloved books, and so much more. But I knew immediately God had saved exactly the most important, most irreplaceable, most vaulable things - the people I loved. Period. And, as hard as it was to mourn that, struggle to become "not homeless" after that, still be a mother, still function through depression for several years - my belief in God was strengthened through that tragedy. I began to learn that God was my friend, my heavenly Father who loved me and was carrying me through a horrible time in my life. And with this second time around with cancer, boy!! Don't I have a deeper faith now! How fortunate I am to have opportunities like these to grow my faith and my relationship with God. I used to think, years ago, "poor me!" and "why me!?". Today, I don't think "lucky me!" but I do say, "okay, here we go, another time to grow, trust in God and hang on."

Acceptance comes with faith. Gratitude does too. Thanksgiving is a special opportunity to remember all the things, people, situations, moments, etc that we should be, and/or, are grateful for. I feel blessed to be alive, to be sober and with my children every day. I am grateful for my amazing family. I am thankful for my awesome friends that walk with me on all my journeys in sobriety, through cancer, or any other thing that feels scary or hard. I appreciate all that I have in my life today -- and what I don't have in my life too.

As they say at my place of worship, "God IS good, all the time. Be at peace, practice acceptance and believe in the power of your personal energy and your Higher Power, whomever you choose that to be.

With Gratitude for All -
Elizabeth Gregory

Time Goes On

Hi everyone! Wow! I haven't written anything since September 22! And why is that? I've been sick with various side illness during this whole time. I attached a link for any of you to see if needed, of one of the tougher illnesses I was/am still fighting off. That was a wretched disease, I tell you!! Disgusting and painful! And very serious/life threatening too.

I have learned that I have a high pain tolerance for my body with the onslaught of that disease. I had it for about 2 1/2 weeks (maybe 3) before I sought help (from the amount of pain, explosive cramping I was having). I should have sought help about a week and a half earlier than I did (when my bowel movements didn't look normal anymore). By the time I did, they almost had to hospitalize me! Moral? Get medical help in the beginning & don't wait! It could kill you if you wait.

I also had two more colds during that time; I'm still fighting a sinus infection. The side colds are a real bummer! Really hard with 2 kids to care for too.

So, that's my wisdom for today. I'm starting to feel better, but, here comes my daughter with a sore throat so we shall see.

Oh yeah! One other thing - I entered some of my art (1 painting & 1 photo) in an Art Contest locally on the central coast here; one I can win some cash if I place...will know this Sunday.

And lastly, my CA-15 went up slightly from 40 to 52. That's the wrong direction - we want it to go the other way (down to under 31). At first, I felt very alone, very, very disappointed, very angry and sad. I almost felt like, "that's it!, I'm actually dying!" Talk about a drama queen, a severe reaction to a small hurdle really. Then I decided to look at it as, "just a bubble of cancer cells bursting (cause that happens and that makes the #'s go up briefly). So, I changed my thoughts and perception. I could've chosen to let that defeat me, instead (after that first few days of wallowing), I chose to turn it into a positive. Everyone has a choice ike that every day, on anything. I'm still fighting my disease... How about you?

With Gratitude for All -
Elizabeth Gregory

Positively Positive

Well, in a few hours I am supposed to be my next dose of Taxol. The dose I should've had as my third dose in a row, but my liver was marching to a different drummer and decided to throw a wrench in the schedule. This will still be my third Taxol, but it's not in a row, it's after a skipped week of rest for this liver of mine, that I feel is misbehaving.

So, today is my day to use my power phrase "positively positive" on myself. I am positively positive that my liver will no longer be the unruly child of my body, that it will have gotten back on the team, so to speak. I'm positively positive that I'm going to be more supportive to that team member through my food choice and keeping up with my daily 30 minute walking regimen. All this so I know I can count on my liver to hang in there for we can get the job done successfully - to kill every single remaining cancer cell in this body of mine, and prevent new ones from being created and to survive another experience with chemotherapy.

I'm positively positive that this can be done because I've done it before. Because I've read many articles (especially in the free to cancer patients and their families/caregivers magazine "Cure". Check out www.cure.com to sign up) about people who have walked through three or four different cancer recurrances, or even new, different cancers and their treatments and are still here to tell us about it.

So, I'm positively positive it can be done. I have role models that I can see and believe in who have already done this. So I know that I can do this too! Why not? I'm a human being just the same as they are; if they can do that then so can I.

So, I've prayed about it and asked God to bless me in my request to overcome cancer and survive. I'm positively positive that God will bless me because I believe that I am a worthy and loved child of His. Positively positive!

So, I will let everyone know later on that I was able to get my treatment today because I'm positive that I positively will get well and that starts today!

Have a positively positive day!

Three Years

I write with gratitude, for at this moment I am celebrating the first one hour and twenty-four minutes of my sobriety "birthday" - I have just reached my 3rd year anniversary as of midnight, July 10, 2009. What a long road I have traveled, and just in the last three years! The years before seem like a separate lifetime ago, with so many peaks and valleys and "lost episodes." My life today is so very different and so very good.

I can say that sincerely and mean it, even while I am walking through my second round of treatments for breast cancer. I was originally diagnosed in 2003 and underwent a lumpectomy, a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation. That was six years ago and up until the last few months, all was "quiet" on the home front of my body. Now? As of right now, I am into my third chemotherapy treatment as this annoying disease has reared it's ugly head again by showing that it had been hiding out in my bones all this time. Anyway, my ovaries came back to life after my five year hormonal treatment ended (last May "08) to which the response was to promptly pull them out of my body. This was done to prevent the estrogren that turned back on like a loose faucet, from igniting any remaining cancer cells in my body. Oh well! So, the estrogen appears to have done it's damage while it had that flash in the pan chance, and so my body is lit up like a christmas tree under a PET scan, the cancer is in so many bones. Stage Four diagnosis now (sounds like a curtain call..."stage left!" ha ha).

However, as I would like to take this moment to point out, I am quite certain that this is a temporary problem and that the chemotherapy treatments will simply toss the water on the cancer "fire" again and put the cancer cells out of business once again. I say this will all sincerity and true faith, because I have a God who has walked with me through homelessness, through alcoholism and addiction, through rape and abuse, and I have faith, strong faith, that my dear God will walk with me through this too. I believe this is simply another opportunity for me to "grow", not "go."

Of course, this doesn't mean that I don't have moments of fear...I am human like everyone else, so of course I find myself in these moments. What I also have is faith, and faith overcomes my fear. I was blessed with this faith through other trials I've endured, such as reaching for and attaining sobriety these last three years...something I have been struggling to accomplish and keep one day at a time for the majority of my life. I am so grateful that I have gotten this far because the gift of faith is precious to me.

There is a lot I have to share and I want to reach out and do this in the hope that I might help someone else to gain strength - that I can offer through my words the same encouragement, belief, trust, acceptance, hope and faith that was offered to me. That my story may benefit someone else - that my testimony, my victories over my difficulties can inspire others to not give up, never give up and keep trying. As they say in my favorite spiritual program, don't give up five minutes before the miracle happens.

Yes, you can be that miracle! You just have to believe it can be true, reach for it, rely on your spiritual guide, whether that be God and Jesus, or Buddha, or a spirit of the Universe, and put your faith into action.

My Prayer for Today:
I am grateful I am sober today. Thank you God for my 3 year anniversary. Help me walk with strength and grace while my cancer is attacked and killed, keeping my healthy body protected during this time. I believe this is an opportunity to learn and grow, that I might offer hope to others. Thank you God because you love me and carry me and I will survive and emerge stronger and healthier at the end of this treatment. In Jesus's name I pray, Amen.

I believe. Do you?