Walking with gratitude

Welcome and greetings! Iknow I've let a few weeks go by; due to side effects/illness like... Having cold after cold, catching pneumonia (medicine & a full week in bed turned that around) and as I mentioned earlier in another report, developing that bacterial infection called Clostridum difficule infection (which is an intestinal/gangrenous infection caused by intestinal bacteria getting out of whack).Anyway! I can also report that I've had to temporairly remove myself from college. This was very sad for me. I love going to college. I missed out doing it earlier in my life due to my alcoholism & drug addiction issues that were active at that time in my life.I love school! But for now, my health must take precedence. Too many germs there for my body at this time. Plus, in the last few weeks (most of November) I've had an MRI, a bone scan, xrays, and a ct/pet scan of my whole body and halleluiah! Everything is either looking normal or, for my liver lesions - 2 of the 3 are completely gone and the 3rd one (the size of my thumbnail) is "less conspicuous" meaning it is starting to disappear! I'm saying with faith in my heart that I believe God is healing me through this with the help of people and faith. I have become a tad better, through this cancer journey, at trusting in God that the "net" is there to catch me,even though I can't see it, and sometimes I can't feel it, but I've learned better to "Let go and Let God" and also to accept His will for me, no matter what. I believed from the beginning that this was a journey to "grow" not "go" even on fearful days - my best defense is still asking "God to help me deal with this". It always restores my heart and mind when I talk to God, because I believe in Him. I trust in Him; that His will is the will I must follow. My will alone can't always do what I want-unless its aligned with God's. That's also how my chemical recovery works today too.

And on another note, Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday to remember, express and appreciate all the bounty in their lives. I've been homeless before in my life...and I was still able to find gratitiude in the organizations that feed the homeless, the churches that let us sleep on a cot for one night at a time, for having access to showers, laundry etc. When my house burned to the ground in 8 minutes because of the propane company's error; my immediate thought as I first saw it was not for my things - but for "my people - my child & best friend" and as soon as I knew they were alive and okay I said "thank you God, I'm good...even though after those 1st few days, I heavily mourned the loss of two cats, family heirlooms, my childrens babybooks, birth videos, my beloved books, and so much more. But I knew immediately God had saved exactly the most important, most irreplaceable, most vaulable things - the people I loved. Period. And, as hard as it was to mourn that, struggle to become "not homeless" after that, still be a mother, still function through depression for several years - my belief in God was strengthened through that tragedy. I began to learn that God was my friend, my heavenly Father who loved me and was carrying me through a horrible time in my life. And with this second time around with cancer, boy!! Don't I have a deeper faith now! How fortunate I am to have opportunities like these to grow my faith and my relationship with God. I used to think, years ago, "poor me!" and "why me!?". Today, I don't think "lucky me!" but I do say, "okay, here we go, another time to grow, trust in God and hang on."

Acceptance comes with faith. Gratitude does too. Thanksgiving is a special opportunity to remember all the things, people, situations, moments, etc that we should be, and/or, are grateful for. I feel blessed to be alive, to be sober and with my children every day. I am grateful for my amazing family. I am thankful for my awesome friends that walk with me on all my journeys in sobriety, through cancer, or any other thing that feels scary or hard. I appreciate all that I have in my life today -- and what I don't have in my life too.

As they say at my place of worship, "God IS good, all the time. Be at peace, practice acceptance and believe in the power of your personal energy and your Higher Power, whomever you choose that to be.

With Gratitude for All -
Elizabeth Gregory

Time Goes On

Hi everyone! Wow! I haven't written anything since September 22! And why is that? I've been sick with various side illness during this whole time. I attached a link for any of you to see if needed, of one of the tougher illnesses I was/am still fighting off. That was a wretched disease, I tell you!! Disgusting and painful! And very serious/life threatening too.

I have learned that I have a high pain tolerance for my body with the onslaught of that disease. I had it for about 2 1/2 weeks (maybe 3) before I sought help (from the amount of pain, explosive cramping I was having). I should have sought help about a week and a half earlier than I did (when my bowel movements didn't look normal anymore). By the time I did, they almost had to hospitalize me! Moral? Get medical help in the beginning & don't wait! It could kill you if you wait.

I also had two more colds during that time; I'm still fighting a sinus infection. The side colds are a real bummer! Really hard with 2 kids to care for too.

So, that's my wisdom for today. I'm starting to feel better, but, here comes my daughter with a sore throat so we shall see.

Oh yeah! One other thing - I entered some of my art (1 painting & 1 photo) in an Art Contest locally on the central coast here; one I can win some cash if I place...will know this Sunday.

And lastly, my CA-15 went up slightly from 40 to 52. That's the wrong direction - we want it to go the other way (down to under 31). At first, I felt very alone, very, very disappointed, very angry and sad. I almost felt like, "that's it!, I'm actually dying!" Talk about a drama queen, a severe reaction to a small hurdle really. Then I decided to look at it as, "just a bubble of cancer cells bursting (cause that happens and that makes the #'s go up briefly). So, I changed my thoughts and perception. I could've chosen to let that defeat me, instead (after that first few days of wallowing), I chose to turn it into a positive. Everyone has a choice ike that every day, on anything. I'm still fighting my disease... How about you?

With Gratitude for All -
Elizabeth Gregory